News from Colorado

So, you were thinking I'd given up on blogging. Well, you weren't far from the truth. I get the hankering from time to time, but I'm not even as good with my journal as I used to be.

Life has been pretty busy for the past couple months. Mostly good busy. At the end of January I got a job teaching French again, this time at a Montessori, to kids from 2 to 5. Quite, quite different from my last French-teaching experience. And also quite different from my last daycare/preschool experience. Fortunately I had a few songs up my sleeve, but it's been fun to try to find new French songs for children, as well as to learn new vocabulary. I've been translating picture books, putting my collection to good use, as well as translating some things already in the classroom. I guess I never thought I'd need to know the names of tools in French, but I'm sure it'll come in handy some day. I guess I can't escape the feeling that I'm still being prepared from later French needs. But in the meantime, I'm glad to keep my life filled with some variety as well as keeping up these talents tat I enjoy.

But the good news doesn't end there. On President's Day I was invited to an audition after I applied to teach Composition at Kaplan College. The audition consisted of a five-minute spiel on the five-paragraph essay. With three other competitors for this position, I was happily pleased to pass. The following night I was invited to an interview, and after I passed that, I had four weeks of training to pass (which involved more "audition"-type exercises, but using their actual curriculum) once per week, as well as some other training material. Then, on March 23, I began teaching composition again! This time I have two legitimate classes with different students in each (as opposed to NOVA's two classes which were the same students in both). However, the combined enrollment still is less than what I had at NOVA, so the stress of grading papers will be lessened. Also, their curriculum is set up to not have as many papers--only one full paper, actually, with assignments that build up to it. Pretty interesting, but I can definitely see the value to it.

So, with the preparing for teaching two different comp classes as well as some mini French lessons, and yes, even primary at Church, you can imagine I'm already a bit tired. But add to this that the Montessori is in Greeley, Kaplan is in Thornton, I live in Loveland, and I've not been able to kick a cold/flu/ not-so-good feeling since the end of January (shortly after I was hired at Montessori). Of course it's much better than when I originally got sick, but I've had a perpetual cough that didn't go away before I caught a cold that's been keeping me down. Now, add that I have family nearby, and you can see why I haven't been writing as much.

Let's not focus on the negative though. There are many good things going on. And I'm actually very glad to be close to my family. I get to see David's and John's families somewhat regularly, since they're in town. And a couple weeks ago I got to see a bit more of Nancy's family as she had her second baby! Yeah, and welcome to Dean to the world and the Quist, or Merkley family! Nancy had to have a C-section again, though, so she's needed a bit more help since Tessa's only 2, but I was glad my schedule permitted me to be in Ft. Lupton with her for a couple days to help out. I really felt a lot of peace being in her home helping.

Then, last weekend, Thom brought up his family since he had spring break. I even got to have Tailynne in my primary class! Technically, she's a Sunbeam, and I teach the CTR-4s, but it worked out easier that way. And even though she wasn't that much younger than my students, they were happy to caudal her like a baby. It made for a fun class. I felt the Spirit with them that day too.

And now, well, soon, I'll be heading over to spend some time with David's family as his birthday is coming up and it's time to celebrate!

There's a little catch up for you. Maybe pictures will follow. We'll see!

Merry Christmas!

For some reason this Christmas season seems to have just flown by. Perhaps because I'm not at work with work parties that seem to enhance and add to the feeling. Perhaps it's a blessing since I didn't get to go home this year.

I have been away from home one other Christmas, 1995, when I was on my mission in France. I was in Evry then, in a ward with huge geographical boundaries, so we normally didn't eat much at the members' homes. However, with the Christmas season, the ward mission leader decided to strongly encourage the members to feed us throughout the month and passed around sign up sheets. It was kind of nice to have that. Even with the encouragement, we didn't have "mangez-vous" every day (a missionaryism in France; most appointments were called rendez-vous, but when you got to eat, it was a mangez-vous), but still we got to meet quite a few more members than we'd known before and had some fun experiences seeing how the ethnically diverse members in the area lived, and particularly how they decorated for Christmas.

Or didn't decorate for Christmas. I had thought I'd learned in school that French people had a handful of Christmas traditions, and so I guess I assumed they'd dec their places out like we do in America. But it seems a lot of those traditions were in the nature of traditional as the "traditional" costumes you find on those "representative" dolls. People don't really dress like that any more. And they don't really decorate a lot either. (They did decorate--just not as much.)

On our visits, we asked the hosts what their Christmas memories and traditions included, often noting the toned-down sense we got. The answer I remember best was that they just felt the season for them was just about spending time with family.

Interesting. We do tend to think about it that way too, in the U.S., but that aspect can also have a tendency to get buried in the midst of all the places we have to go--those work parties, school things, concerts, etc.--things that tended to "cumber" my mother, as she wrote about in her story just published in The Ultimate Christmas (I know, shameless plug).

Still, even with all of the sometimes encumbering events, Christmas is about being with family, so it was a little strange to spend another Christmas without my own family. I did get to talk to my parents and then later my sister Nancy on the phone, though, which was nice. And my mom even talked me through some of things that she was doing to get the house ready for the dinner when my brothers and Nancy and their families would be coming over--so, like reading a story with good descriptions, she kind of brought me there with her words. The snowmen were lined up on the shelves and the little village was set out on the desk. The Christmas tree was up and in the family room, with only two stockings this year--one for Mom and one for Dad. What a change that is! She was shaking out the table cloth. Does this look like the right side up? And even better than reading, I got to hear her voice.

On Christmas day in 1995, we ate at the Relief Society president's house, and since she was actually an American, her house was pretty dec'd out, so it did feel a little more homey for the American in me. I also got to talk to my family that day, too. My strongest memory of that day, however, was that we just sat around for what felt like hours--I'm not sure how long it was, actually, but it felt like way too long. And we weren't really doing anything. I hated being idle, so I kept suggesting that we go caroling or something, but nobody was willing to go with me, and missionaries can't just do things alone, aside from the fact that caroling alone is just weird. So I remained crammed on the couch, trying not to get too close to an Elder, and not feeling like much of a missionary, particularly on Christmas. Besides, I really did want to sing. I played the piano in sacrament meetings in that ward, so I didn't get to sing much at all those months in Evry.

Yesterday, however, I did get to sing. And it was wonderful! What a great blessing for me. A girl in one of the colonial wards had posted on the general listserv that she was going to sing in the hospital on Christmas morning and anyone was welcome to come. That just sounded awesome, so I prayed I'd get up on time, and Heavenly Father lovingly answered that prayer. The four other people who came along were great company and had great singing voices, and the girl who had posted even played the guitar along the way, which added a sweet sound.

But the best part of course, was seeing the happy faces of those unfortunate individuals who had no choice but to be out of their homes and idle on the great holiday. We saw some radiating faces, including an elderly woman, probably in her 80s or 90s, who was just a huge smile the whole time. Another woman who had something that prevented her from speaking, wrote us a thank you note on her clipboard and tapped her foot as we sang. What a great treat that was.

Then later in the day, I was also blessed with the opportunity to spend time with a family, friends of mine. A couple weeks ago, when we celebrated the mother's retirement, the friend who prayed the blessing on the food called us a strange family in the prayer. It was kind of funny at the time, but I think his point was that we're all kind of a family though we grew up in different families. And it's true. They're great people, the Rogers, and I'm so glad they opened their home and their hearts to me.

Like my day in Evry, the meal was not "traditional," but that was just fine. I had turkey about a month ago. The laid back atmosphere and feeling like family was the most important thing about the season definitely rang true yesterday. So while I hope next year I can be with my own family, this year was a merry Christmas still. I am so very blessed.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Did everyone have a great Turkey day? I had a nice one, thanks.
Thinking about thanks this week has actually been a great blessing. I was ready to post a message about how Congress should pass some law so that I don't have to look for work because it's not helping me in my pursuit of happiness. I know what you're thinking--I don't have to look for work. But the alternatives would result in an even greater difficulty toward my pursuit of happiness. So you're wrong. Ha! Nonetheless, I know I'm wrong too. As indicated before, the inclusion of opposition in our lives is all toward the end that many might have joy, so I am thankful for it on this week of thanks. I am also grateful for many more things. I have been greatly blessed during this time that my money dwindles and my need for employment magnifies itself in my daily life. I've had great friends helping me out not only with meals, but also with smiling faces and hugs and understanding, as well as expressions of appreciation for my talents and service. I'm also grateful for the Church. What a great blessing to be a member of it! To have a perspective on life that it offers me and to know about my Savior. But also for the temporal blessings they offer during financial struggles, and opportunities they provide to serve so that I don't feel as deeply in debt as I might otherwise. I also have an incredibly wonderful family--the best two parents on the whole planet, I would venture to say. There are at least seven people who would agree with me, but I think even more if they knew my parents. I'm sure Heavenly Father was wise to give them to me. And so, so many more things, that I can hardly even count. What are you grateful for?
(P.s. I would still be even more grateful if you know of work I can do and you pass it on :) )

Happy Birthday John!

So I know I've been keeping this blog for awhile now and some of my family members' birthdays have past in the time, but I'm just now piecing things together and realizing that that thing I see some other bloggers do--like wishing people other than themselves happy birthday on their blogs--is a good idea. So, sorry other folks, but yeah for John! My favorite brother John! (I have a favorite brother David and a favorite brother Thom, too.) But you get to be the first!

Today is the big 31 for little John! (well, not so little. I think he's the tallest boy).
I didn't get a very good family shot last Christmas, but at least I got one, right?
The one below is a little more classic John, giving me that look that says, "Heidi, you're nuts, but I love ya, so I'll put up with ya." And that brings me to this--what are my favorite things about John? He's got a great sense of humor, a great smile and laugh to go with it--full of energy and optimism. He doesn't take himself too seriously and gives great hugs--and punches and self defense, demobilization moves, too--all in terms of affection.

Some of my favorite memories of John are his climbing up on top of the living room closet, him letting me braid his hair into millions of tiny little braids (this was when he was in high school and actually had hair), hanging out in Fort Collins and letting me teach him how to get his date's door, and then after I graduated from college and lived at home for awhile, we drove to Greeley together quite a bit for church things and had some good conversations.

I love you little bro and miss you! Hope you have a good birthday!

Grieving

So, last week I spent in Canada, the reason for no postings for the week. I think that was also convenient for some other reasons because my little eulogy for Grandpa was Googled by some relatives and when others heard of it and wanted the link, I could just send them the basic link without having to find the specific post's link. It was the top entry, still, so they weren't bogged down with my other silliness unless they wanted to delve into it on their own.

But alas, the writer that I am can't let too much more time pass without writing something!

Since my Grandpa passed away, the subject of grief has, for obvious reasons, been on my mind. I don't know that cataloguing my stages would really be possible because it's kind of haphazard and mixed with other life happenings as well, but it definitely does add a shade of something to the other life happenings. I think that's normal--big things always do something to little things, right?

Well, as I was wasting, or uh spending time at work trying to find things to do, I followed links from friends' blogs, mentioned in my last post, and found some new blogs to frequent. In one of them, a blogger was reviewing Ursula LeGuin's 2004 Gifts and included this quote, which I found extremely timely:

"Grieving, like being blind, is a strange business; you have to learn how to do it. We seek company in mourning, but after the early bursts of tears, after the praises have been spoken, and the good days remembered, and the lament cried, and the grave closed, there is no company in grief. It is a burden borne alone. How you bear it is up to you. Or so it seems to me." (202)

Of course those last two lines are pretty platitudinal, but I guess the new generation has to get them somewhere or they wouldn't recognize them as platitudes. In other words, maybe it's okay to stick that kind of thing in kids' books? I don't know. That's really beside the point. I digress. blah, blah. Sorry, a few more clichés for you.

Anyway, I liked it especially finding it the week after the funeral and the pomp of being with family and everything--the week that I'm back to my daily life and I suppose somewhat feeling that I had my week to mourn and now I can move on. But feeling perhaps guilty because I'm not really moving on at the same pace I was going before. I guess that's normal. Luckily, I have a job with good people and they treated me compassionately when I came back. That, too, helped me feel a little normal, too, in my saddened state.

Thank you, God, for the reminders of my normalcy, in spite of all my oddities.