Independence and Independence

The irony didn't occur to me until just now, as I tried to think of a title for this post. That is, as we as a nation celebrated our independence, a group of LDS singles between 31 and 45 gathered in the DC area for a conference, and for many of us the purpose of attending was at least in part as a means of seeking a diminishment of our independence. Is there a contradiction here? Not really. Absolute independence isn't anyone's aim, and shouldn't be. I happened to catch the last 10 minutes of a Twilight Zone episode on Friday, part of a Twilight Zone marathon day on the SciFi channel, wherein a man had a stop watch that allowed him to stop time completely, so that everyone became inanimate but himself until he clicked to start the watch again. It enabled him to get out of a little trouble, which he needed as he seemed to be a bit curmudgeonly, but just as he decided to take advantage of the gift and rob a bank, the watch fell, he stepped on it and it broke, leaving everyone inanimate forever but himself. Not much need for the money then, but not much happiness either. We need each other.

This truth is also part of the story of our nation. As part of the conference, one of the activities I chose to attend was a tour of the Capitol. We started this tour by watching a 10-15 minute video presentation with a little bit of history about the building. It was interesting for me to learn that during the Civil War, Abraham Lincoln made an optimistic decision about the war by asking that construction of the dome to top the capitol continue. The nation wouldn't be a nation if every state were completely independent. Ours is a history of interdependence.

And so the desire to marry and leave a bit of the independence aside is not so contradictory to the nation's history nor this celebration. Families with united parents, too, make up a big part of the success of this nation.

But independence is, of course, a good value to have. We rightly celebrate our nation's freedom from tyranny and injustice. And as people, too, we can follow this example of seeking and maintaining and being grateful for the independence we have, even as we seek to marry--such as by not settling for someone who will be a tyrant or injust, as well as by being grateful that inasmuch as marriage isn't always possible, we still have several freedoms, including the rights now for women to hold better and better positions and maintain our living,

Also the freedoms to worship as we want to. I found it altogether appropriate to find the statue of Brigham Young in the Capitol, one of Utah's two contributions, but also on the independence day holiday, since he did quite a bit toward the end of our religion's independence, as well as to the growth of the nation. He also had quite a bit to do with the educational growth and thereby independence, of many of the individuals attending the conference. You might even say he had quite a bit of influence, though indirectly, of bringing this group together.

So, moving on. The Capitol tour was only a minor part of the conference and of my 4th of July experience, though it was likely the most patriotic-related thing. After the tour, there was a barbecue at the stake center, with real barbecue--not bbq'd hamburgers and hot dogs, but barbecued pork and beef. Yum. I also watched some fireworks, but due to some of my own mishap, not with the group. Perhaps it was somewhat appropriate for me, given my independent personality, to be a little more independent as part of my independence day celebration. After the barbecue, I went home and did a few things, including reading something and falling asleep. Only, I slept a little longer than I intended, woke up a half an hour after I was supposed to meet people at Iwo Jima, in other words, probably 1 hour and 1/2 after I should have left the house to catch a metro. Well, I thought I could still drive in. It wasn't too dark, and it wasn't in DC. But even Arlington had roads blocked off and I just didn't feel like driving back to a metro stop and huffing it in to catch people at the last minute then getting back onto a crowded metro some short time later. Instead, I went home and watched the fireworks in my neighborhood. I didn't have that bad of a view here either, and I got to watch the neighborhood kids doing street fireworks, which is one thing that kind of makes the 4th feel more like my childhood memories, and which I haven't had the opportunity to experience for several years because of the laws of the places I've been. So, all in all, it was a good independence day. Hope it was for you too!

The Real Valentine's Day

Just so you don't think I'm completely anti-Valentine's--the day itself wasn't too bad. We had a couple friends over and did some fondue-dipping, then watched some clips from a few romantic movies--Snow White's "Some Day My Prince Will Come" and the Sound of Music's "Sixteen." Plus a couple non-musical recent bits. Then after the friends left, we watched "Hitch" which actually did end in a wedding.

It was nice to have friends over. But I have to confess that it was interesting to watch the Sound of Music bit as well as Hitch in my critical frame of mind. (Not that I'm ever not in my critical frame of mind, but um, I guess now that it's out there.) Anyway, it was eye opening to see that in the Sixteen scene, the character was really being coy and didn't possibly believe the things she was sixteen. I think that's a very important part of the song, because otherwise the words are very subjugating of women--we all need someone at least a year older because he's wiser and can tell us what to do. It's also interesting to consider that song in context of the entire movie (which is one of my favorites!) because in the end, she was telling him what to do--leave the German army--and that is really what he should have done.

As for Hitch, well, that movie could have stood a few cuts--like the opening bit where you know Hitch has successfully hooked two people up because they wind up in bed, and then the little F bomb, and finally the date on Sunday morning, rather than Saturday morning. But otherwise, I was glad neither of the man couples had any insinuations, their conversations were about normal things--like siblings and family, and it ended in a wedding, allbeit for the secondary couple rather than the primary. But it's positive nonetheless.

It's ironic, I suppose, that I'm pro wedding ending since my novel doesn't end in a wedding. Just a first kiss, but I do have my reasons for that. But I'll just let you read it and surmise your own opinions about it. Who knows, I might even be wrong.

Happy Valentine's?

You're noticing, perhaps, if you're not in a reader that is, that I'm skipping the pink/red background and moving right into spring. It's not technically spring yet, but we have had some really nice weather. I hope it continues, but it's always hard to say. I do like snow, though. I have to confess that. But we had some snow last week and now I'm ready for spring because I don't particularly like the cold.

But anyway, as the title suggests, maybe I'll write something about Valentine's anyway. It's tomorrow, after all, and it's been on my mind for about a week or so. Several stores tried to put it in my mind long before that, but I haven't done a lot of shopping the past few months, fortunately, so those attempts were not very successful. The television, however, had better aim.

I even caved in and actually watched one of the Valentine's movies some station was using in their Valentine's week long line-up--You've Got Mail. I don't know why. I guess I figured it's Valentine's week after all, and since I don't have someone to share it with, I can celebrate it in some way, but watching a related movie? Really warped thinking, I know. But my mind does work that way sometimes--Halloween is another holiday like that. I'm too big for trick-or-treating, so I'll just watch a holiday-related movie. Yeah. hm.

The weirder thing about it is that I don't even like You've Got Mail. And watching it again after so many years confirmed to me in a few more ways why I don't like it--and shouldn't like it. Like too many romantic comedies, it's just another example of envelope pushing. I'm reminded of the chocolate cake and red story in Ardeth G. Kapp's I Walk By Faith book that my leaders read to me when I was a youth. I have the book now, thanks to my Aunt Leah who got it for me for Christmas a couple years ago. Really, I like that book a lot, and that chocolate story is one that I think everyone needs to hear. Just to summarize, it's a short story within a story--about a happy, delightful people who couldn't wear red or eat chocolate cake or they would become weak. But they had an enemy who didn't like their happiness and so he gradually tried to weaken them to chocolate cake and red through subtle means, like glamorous advertising of people wearing darker and darker shades of pink and eating more cake and more chocolate until they were inevitably combined.

Why do we buy into that stuff? Oh, they only lived with people they didn't really love, and they never showed them having sex. And what was all that business of talking about cyber-sex near the beginning? "We won't have anyone doing real sex in the movie"="No one will eat any chocolate cake in the movie, but there's no reason why they shouldn't talk about eating it, or eating white cake with chocolate frosting."

Why were they living with people they didn't love? What's wrong with getting married first? It seemed more to the point of showing that living together is a natural step and that after a few years you might decide you don't love someone after all, so it's a good thing they weren't married. Seriously. Do romantic comedies end in weddings any more? How many movies are being made these days with happily married couples?

I'm essentially chastising myself here. I know what to avoid and yet I watch those things occasionally too. And I haven't written to any media moguls to change things, but I need to rant anyway. It really is harder and harder to find a good romantic comedy with any kind of values, so while I would like the genre--I'm even writing in the genre--it's actually one of my least favorites because there's always so much trash in them.

So much for Happy Valentine's Day.

On a brighter note, I did get some candy from a coworker today. Although the pay is a pittance, yes, I do have a little job now--temp job, but it's nice to have coworkers again, especially if they help you celebrate the holiday in a way other than watching a lame movie. Yeah for candy! (Don't worry, it wasn't chocolate cake.)

Happy New Year's Eve

Last night I invited a few friends over to ring in the new year playing games, pretty low key. But we had a lot of fun. Four of my favorite people came over!

The Whitakers and the Clarks arrived about the same time, but upon arrival the men seemed to remember things they needed back in their homes, so they left us ladies here to have a shortened ladies' night out. And we really did take advantage of it--painted our toe nails! And it took the perfect amount of time, too, as we were just finishing up when the men returned.

Then we set into a great game of Puerto Rico, which I'd never heard of, but Marissa, who brought it, did a great job of explaining and guiding us all along the way. Ultimately, Erin blew us all out of the water. But I'm looking forward to playing again some time to show who's really boss!

We missed the ball dropping, by a minute. Someone noticed or had been paying attention to the time, and at about 11:57, asked if we had any pots and wooden spoons, then Marissa started pouring the sparkling cider, but we weren't all coordinated and with the tv on until exactly 12:00 by which time the ball was down. But at least we rang in the new year ourselves on time! Who needs New York anyway, right?

Merry Christmas!

For some reason this Christmas season seems to have just flown by. Perhaps because I'm not at work with work parties that seem to enhance and add to the feeling. Perhaps it's a blessing since I didn't get to go home this year.

I have been away from home one other Christmas, 1995, when I was on my mission in France. I was in Evry then, in a ward with huge geographical boundaries, so we normally didn't eat much at the members' homes. However, with the Christmas season, the ward mission leader decided to strongly encourage the members to feed us throughout the month and passed around sign up sheets. It was kind of nice to have that. Even with the encouragement, we didn't have "mangez-vous" every day (a missionaryism in France; most appointments were called rendez-vous, but when you got to eat, it was a mangez-vous), but still we got to meet quite a few more members than we'd known before and had some fun experiences seeing how the ethnically diverse members in the area lived, and particularly how they decorated for Christmas.

Or didn't decorate for Christmas. I had thought I'd learned in school that French people had a handful of Christmas traditions, and so I guess I assumed they'd dec their places out like we do in America. But it seems a lot of those traditions were in the nature of traditional as the "traditional" costumes you find on those "representative" dolls. People don't really dress like that any more. And they don't really decorate a lot either. (They did decorate--just not as much.)

On our visits, we asked the hosts what their Christmas memories and traditions included, often noting the toned-down sense we got. The answer I remember best was that they just felt the season for them was just about spending time with family.

Interesting. We do tend to think about it that way too, in the U.S., but that aspect can also have a tendency to get buried in the midst of all the places we have to go--those work parties, school things, concerts, etc.--things that tended to "cumber" my mother, as she wrote about in her story just published in The Ultimate Christmas (I know, shameless plug).

Still, even with all of the sometimes encumbering events, Christmas is about being with family, so it was a little strange to spend another Christmas without my own family. I did get to talk to my parents and then later my sister Nancy on the phone, though, which was nice. And my mom even talked me through some of things that she was doing to get the house ready for the dinner when my brothers and Nancy and their families would be coming over--so, like reading a story with good descriptions, she kind of brought me there with her words. The snowmen were lined up on the shelves and the little village was set out on the desk. The Christmas tree was up and in the family room, with only two stockings this year--one for Mom and one for Dad. What a change that is! She was shaking out the table cloth. Does this look like the right side up? And even better than reading, I got to hear her voice.

On Christmas day in 1995, we ate at the Relief Society president's house, and since she was actually an American, her house was pretty dec'd out, so it did feel a little more homey for the American in me. I also got to talk to my family that day, too. My strongest memory of that day, however, was that we just sat around for what felt like hours--I'm not sure how long it was, actually, but it felt like way too long. And we weren't really doing anything. I hated being idle, so I kept suggesting that we go caroling or something, but nobody was willing to go with me, and missionaries can't just do things alone, aside from the fact that caroling alone is just weird. So I remained crammed on the couch, trying not to get too close to an Elder, and not feeling like much of a missionary, particularly on Christmas. Besides, I really did want to sing. I played the piano in sacrament meetings in that ward, so I didn't get to sing much at all those months in Evry.

Yesterday, however, I did get to sing. And it was wonderful! What a great blessing for me. A girl in one of the colonial wards had posted on the general listserv that she was going to sing in the hospital on Christmas morning and anyone was welcome to come. That just sounded awesome, so I prayed I'd get up on time, and Heavenly Father lovingly answered that prayer. The four other people who came along were great company and had great singing voices, and the girl who had posted even played the guitar along the way, which added a sweet sound.

But the best part of course, was seeing the happy faces of those unfortunate individuals who had no choice but to be out of their homes and idle on the great holiday. We saw some radiating faces, including an elderly woman, probably in her 80s or 90s, who was just a huge smile the whole time. Another woman who had something that prevented her from speaking, wrote us a thank you note on her clipboard and tapped her foot as we sang. What a great treat that was.

Then later in the day, I was also blessed with the opportunity to spend time with a family, friends of mine. A couple weeks ago, when we celebrated the mother's retirement, the friend who prayed the blessing on the food called us a strange family in the prayer. It was kind of funny at the time, but I think his point was that we're all kind of a family though we grew up in different families. And it's true. They're great people, the Rogers, and I'm so glad they opened their home and their hearts to me.

Like my day in Evry, the meal was not "traditional," but that was just fine. I had turkey about a month ago. The laid back atmosphere and feeling like family was the most important thing about the season definitely rang true yesterday. So while I hope next year I can be with my own family, this year was a merry Christmas still. I am so very blessed.

Happy Independence Day!

I don't know that my Canadian family reads this much, but since there independence day is close to ours, in the US, I don't want to leave them out, nor any reader in a happily independent country. Today just happens to be ours, and I'm grateful to celebrate it.

Actually, speaking of Canada, I've found myself a few times in the past accidentally putting on one of my Canada T-shirts on the 4th of July. Sometimes because they happen to have red and white in them and look a little patriotic, other times just because they felt right for my mood that day, like any other day--the colors and fabric and style. And you know, I just realized--here I go again, talking about clothes! Gee whiz!

But anyway, so today I was actually conscious of what I put on and happily found my red Boston T-shirt clean in my drawer. Got the colors and the right country this time. But not only that, Boston has significance in our fight for independence, so I felt even better about wearing it. Nice reminders of the actual wars and fights our forefather and mothers went through for our freedom.

Another difference about this year was my locale. I've been in Roanoke on the 4th for the past three summers, but living on the other end of town. Since I'm on campus this summer, I found myself able to "hang with the Hollins crowd" --attend a little barbecue at the apartments and then watch the fireworks on a hill on campus. From there, we had a view of four or five different firework shows. For none of them did we have the best view, and I think they were also small shows this year. It sprinkled a little while we were on the hill so I wonder if there wasn't more rain down in the valley were most of the shows originated. But all the same, I had fun spending time with friends.

Here are just a few pics. I know they look hazy--it was dusky and dark, so I used the night setting on my camera, but that setting doesn't still movement very well. I kind of like it though--it fits with my appreciate for candidness, like there should be motion depicted when motion is taking place.