End of Year Letter 2018

Dear Friends and Family,

What a year this has been! To keep me from rambling too much, I’ll break down my year according to a few categories.

Work: I’m still teaching at Front Range and have been working in the Writing Center as well. But I needed a little more, particularly for the breaks, and I felt the Spirit prompt me to apply when I saw the position posted, so in November 2017, I started working at Moroni Books, a local Latter-day Saint gift and bookstore. It was particularly helpful during the summer. For the first summer in many years, I didn’t take any classes to teach since our family reunion overlapped with the last week of school. The owners, Norma and Jerald, were grateful to have me for the summer, too, because in May we became an independent Deseret bookstore, which expanded our size and inventory, changed some of the rules and operations, and involved a lot of learning and a lot of work. At the end of the summer, I was promoted to Assistant Manager.

 

School: Having had the feeling that I needed to continue my education and then finally having the idea that perhaps improving my French would be useful since I’ve been teaching continuing education classes in French for several years now, in January I began an online Master’s program in Romance Languages, emphasis in French through the University of New Orleans. I took two classes that spring semester and two more in the fall. But now I’m looking to transfer to a different school where I can take classes in the old-fashioned, brick and mortar kind of way so I can have more opportunities to speak the language. I’m looking at a few schools and will be applying soon.

Church: For the first half of the year, I continued my service as the Loveland Stake Relief Society secretary, working with some wonderful women whom I love so much and miss! But in April, the region created a Mid-Singles’ group (a small congregation of singles between 31 and 45) that was to be hosted by a ward in the Fort Collins stake and serving 8 or 9 of the surrounding stakes, so I had my records moved there. Nonetheless, it did take some time for the Loveland Stake to replace me, so I continued on, serving there as well as I could for another few months and then trained the new secretary who I am sure is doing a fabulous job. In the Mid-Singles’ group, I was called as the Music Chair, a calling I’ve never had, but which my mom has had a few times and even currently has. This means I get to choose the hymns for sacrament each week and try to find special musical numbers for sacrament meeting. I also try to coordinate the schedules of the music directors and organists. It’s been a fun learning experience, giving me the opportunity to get to know different people, which is always the highlight of any calling.

Play: A nice perk about the Mid-Singles’ group is that there are now more activities geared to singles in my general age range. I’ve also tried to keep helping out the singles’ program in the Loveland Stake by hosting games after the monthly single’s temple night since I was one of the most involved on the committee before the Mid-Singles' group started. Fortunately, this month they just called a new committee, so I can step down from that as well.

Another fun thing this year was the Robert/Wanda Quist family reunion we had in August. We had some fun in a rented house my brother David found for us in a podunk town in Utah. It was fun getting to see everyone and learn a little about our family history, too. David asked to have family history-country-based meals for two evenings we were there, so we had a Swedish theme one night and an English theme the other. To correspond with those meals, he asked me to put together something to help us learn about our ancestors, so I had a little fun researching my grandparents and some of their lines and trying to gear an activity to a wide range of ages.

Health: I think I’ve missed more church this year than ever as small things keep coming up. It started in May when I had an emergency appendectomy that resulted in not only losing my appendix but also my gall bladder. I guess having so many abdominal surgeries over the past several years made it difficult for the surgeon to find a good way to get past the gall bladder, so she nicked it and took it out. But now, I don’t believe there are any more organs that can be safely removed from those areas, so hopefully the surgeries are done. That wasn’t my only surgery, though. I also had something put in! In April, I actually got a new tooth, an implant for a tooth I had removed last year. Don’t forget to go to the dentist regularly! It’s very handy. It’s also helpful to have a water pik and floss every day.  I didn’t miss church for the tooth implant, though, just for the appendectomy. But I also keep getting sick with other little stuff and throwing out my back. Is 45 really the top of the hill still? I think I might be on my way down.

So there you have it.

Wishing you all the merriest of Christmas seasons and a splendid new year! May the Lord bless you all. I know He loves you more than I and can do more for your life than you can imagine.

Lots of love,

Heidi Quist

Evidence of God, of Christ, etc.

Earlier this week I had a student come into the Writing Center working on an assignment from his learning community Philosophy/English class regarding the atheism/theism debate: Is there a God? I happen to know both of the teachers and I don't think either of them is a bad person. To the contrary, I might call them my friends, and I recognize a lot of good in them. But my reaction to the specific question prompt for the assignment was that it was flawed.

The assignment was for the students to create a dialogue that they might have with a child regarding the existence of God based on the philosophy of someone whose name I don't remember, but whose main idea is that we should only teach children to believe things for which there is sufficient evidence. The students were also instructed not to include their own opinion. I'm sure you can see the difficulties already.

Of course I have to acknowledge that I'm not taking the class, so I don't know what the teachers have presented on the subject, nor am I familiar with the philosopher whose name I don't even remember (though I did help the student with the first assignment regarding this philosopher). But, from my background with analysis and understanding of philosophy, the assignments puts forth an impossible task.

First, it would require a definition of God that all can accept--because if I am to teach a child to or not to believe in something, then I need to have specific parameters, but most especially if I am going with the negative route, as this student seemed anxious to do, even though he claimed to be a believer himself. So, to be clear, if I am going to teach someone that they cannot believe in God, I need to specifically outline what they are not to believe is possible. Can we come to a consensus that all can agree to about what God is? Given the number of religions in the world, this is a daunting task. Not impossible, though. The fact that there is a word for this enigma indicates that a general understanding can be come to, but it would take some deep thought.

The next thing the assignment would require would be a definition of evidence and agreed assumptions about what would constitute evidence of God's existence.  Now you understand why the definition of God must come first. For example, if the definition of God included a being who created everything, then I the definition of evidence would be based on fulfilling this definition--there would have to be evidence that a being created everything--without including any opinion. But how can you remove opinion from this? Some people will say the beauty that can be found in the big picture and the little picture, the mountains and hills, the deserts, the great variety the world has to offer of plants, terrains, animals and people--the way the human body functions so well--couldn't have happened by hazard or by some eruption in the universe. But since no one remembers seeing the creation of things and evidence for them is wrapped up only things they've witnessed, they say there is no evidence. How can you remove your opinion from this?

For another part of a commonly used definition: God is all loving. For evidence of their being an all-loving being, some would say that the fact there are hardships in the world is evidence that there is no all-loving being because a loving being wouldn't allow hard things to happen to loved ones. But others would say that the existence of hardships is in itself evidence of a God because without hardships, life would be too easy, too boring, and there would be no opportunities for growth and learning. Then, for some, evidence would be the feeling they have when they pray or when they receive an answer to a prayer that is to them absolutely miraculous. But someone else would say that that's not evidence because they can't feel what the other person felt or they think that there must be another explanation because everything they've thought in the past to be a miracle turned out to have another explanation--or they've been led to believe this. Can you remove your opinion from this?

The fact is that all knowledge and beliefs are based on subjective experiences and acceptances of reality and truth. That's why the question is problematic.

Take this scenario for example. I've never been to China, but I believe there is a place on the earth called China. Why do I believe this? Because I've met people who say they are from China and I've heard them speaking something that isn't French or English. I've seen maps and globes and read news reports and history books and cultural studies. In any case, I've had a lot of evidence that there is a place called China, but none of the evidence I've seen is absolute proof. The fact is that my whole life could just be a dream of some sort by some greater being who's making me feel and think and see things for some unknown reason. Or it could be that there's some force--even a group of people--that are putting me through an experiment to see what people believe, and they've targeted all of my textbooks and news articles and the people I meet to shape me into believing there's this place called China. In my experience, though, it's my opinion that this isn't very likely--to the point of absurdity. Nonetheless, I can't remove the fact that it's my experiences that have led me to believe this. In short, it's really just my opinion that these evidences are sufficient, leading me to believe there is a place called China.

Can you see the parallels to heaven? My whole life has been filled with experiences, things I've read or heard, people that I've met, feelings that I've had, that lead me to believe there's a place called heaven where a loving, all powerful God, who created the universe--and many more, in fact--, and who is my Father and wants me to return home to Him. Can I prove it to you? No I can't give you the experiences I've had or make you feel what I've felt, so I can't give you the evidence that I have. I can explain it all in detail--I kind of have, actually, in 30 years of journal writing--but that won't fit into a five page paper.  And someone else will still say that that's not evidence because their experiences have led them to see things differently.  I can't remove my opinion that these experiences are evidence sufficient to leading me to believe there is a heaven and a God. And at the same time, nothing you show me that you call evidence of the contrary will satisfy me.

There is a God. In fact, there's more than just a god by the most simplest of definitions. There is plenty of evidence that He not only created us, the world, everything, but also that He sent His Son to live and to suffer and to die for us. Read the Bible, read the Book of Mormon, attend the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Make the changes in your life that He teaches you to make. And then pray sincerely wanting to see the evidence so that your life can be changed for the better. That's how you'll get your evidence, and you will get it. I promise.

Meeting Prophets and Other Great People

A Sunday School lesson last week got me thinking, perhaps particularly as it followed my sharing one of my stories only a week or two before. Since I didn't share my thoughts in that Sunday School class, and I have some thought-exploring to do on the subject, I thought I'd write in here.

I was just about to start with the first story of shaking hands and speaking to one, but I think I'll back track a bit. Since some might count such as memorable/noteworthy, I'll begin further back when I was first in the same room as a prophet. This would be Ezra Taft Benson when I was a teenager. He came to Fort Collins for a regional conference. My family and I were in the nosebleed section, but I did see him, and there did seem to be something special when he came in the room, but perhaps not quite as extraordinary as I'd been led to expect from the excitement of the adults at church. It was still a good experience. I love Pres. Benson. He said a lot of things during his time as prophet that greatly impacted my life in good ways, particularly his encouragement to read and study the Book of Mormon. But these talks were from general meetings that I either watched on the TV or at a church building. I don't remember what he said in Fort Collins.

We also had a handful of general authorities come to stake and regional conferences when I was growing up, I'm sure. The only one I really remember was Jacob De Jager who was a funny, clever Dutch man. I remember he talked about one of his first callings, perhaps the first, to pass out hymn books before sacrament meeting and how important that calling was. He also shared a lot about Jacob 6 in the Book of Mormon--"O be wise. What can I say more?"

When I went to BYU being in the same room as a prophet greatly lessened in rarity as we had firesides just about every month with either one of the First Presidency or Quorum of Twelve speaking. Occasionally it would be another authority, but quite often it was one of them. And if it was less than I remember, that would be because there were also frequent visits to our Tuesday morning devotionals by general authorities. I almost wrote lessened in significance, but that would be wrong. These events were highly significant to my growing testimony. I don't remember everything they said, but there are several talks that really hit a chord for me, answering prayers and questions that I had at the time. For example, I remember Pres. Hinckley talking about having a positive attitude and being optimistic at a time when I was struggling with depression. I remember Elder Oaks talking about what it means to judge people, defining it crisply and clearly. I remember Elder Scott looking into the cameras in such a way that he seemed to be looking right at me (from discussions with my peers after, I know many had this same impression), talking about God's love, about keeping a journal, about scripture study. And of course, there were plenty of talks about the importance of dating and marrying well.

As one of the firesides I attended was one given by Pres. Howard W. Hunter. This was while Pres. Benson was still the president of the church but was so ill, it was expected he would die soon and Pres. Hunter would become the president soon. This was the fireside at which a crazy man stormed the podium with a bomb threat (turned out, as we learned later, it was just a briefcase of books), trying to get Pres. Hunter to read his message instead of the one he'd planned. Pres. Hunter refused. The auditorium was first filled with tension, surprise and tears of worry, but it was soon taken over by the spirit as angels began to sing and the audience picked up on it, singing hymns. I don't remember what the hymns were, but it was either I am a Child of God or We Thank Thee O God for a Prophet--or perhaps both. I just remember the Spirit. When the situation was handled and the bomb-man evacuated, Pres. Hunter picked up and talked eloquently about handling adversity--so perfect.

One might think these experiences of hearing these great men speak would be sufficient to secure my testimony. And it probably was, but I was still blessed again.

While I was at BYU, I worked at the Special Education Seminary as a janitor, then an editor and miscellaneous helper, and then as secretary. This godsend of a job brought me a few other opportunities. One was a special CES fireside--not the big ones they've had since, just a relatively small one for employees in a regular chapel. At this time, Pres. Henry B. Eyring was the Church's Commissioner of Education, and he was the keynote speaker. So being at this fireside, I got to hear him speak in a relatively small room compared to those I'd experienced thus far with general authorities. Of course, at the time, he wasn't a prophet, but I do remember being very moved and impressed by the Spirit from his talk.

The second opportunity the employment provided was the opportunity to meet Pres. Boyd K. Packer. (Elder at the time) One of the teachers at the seminary was Pres. Packer's grandson, John, a very humble and sweet young man. Of course once I found out he was single and a prophet's grandson, my interest piqued a bit more, but to no avail. He soon was dating and then marrying another one of the teachers, Jody, a sweet girl. I did, however, receive an invitation to their reception, which was in either in the grandson's parents' or in Pres. Packer's backyard. (I don't remember). I do, however, remember very well that I drove up to Salt Lake with one of my friends from the seminary, a teacher who also happened to be my next-door neighbor, Wendy McNair. We were both a bit intimidated, but we mustered the courage to go over to the corner of the lawn where we could see Pres. Packer standing so that we could talk to him and shake his hand. He was very polite and kind. That's what I remember of the meeting itself, but more importantly, I remember that from that point all the way back to Provo--so an hour or so, I felt the Spirit so strongly, it was amazing. Nothing else could explain the feeling of peace, love, and light that I felt on that drive home. It couldn't be confused with being in love with anyone--there were no eligible men there that I remember. It was just amazing, one of the best short experiences of my life.

A couple years later as I was preparing for my mission, Satan worked pretty hard on me with feelings of depression, discouragement, and doubt. I can't say that I looked back on that meeting to push me through. I don't remember that, at least. But I pushed forward, got myself into the MTC in spite of it all, and even in the midst of it. That is, the MTC, too, had its challenges.

Once again, I was in an environment with fairly frequent visits from general authorities. I don't remember much about what they said or who all came other than one. Pres. Hunter signed my mission call, but since he didn't live long once called, Pres. Hinckley had become the president of the Church while I was waiting to enter the MTC.  And yes, he came to visit us. Being a popular prophet, there was a lot of buzz and excitement surrounding his visit. But my district was a little more blessed than some in that not only did we get to hear him speak --in the same room for those to whom that is significant--but it also so happened that we were out front when he was leaving the premises, so, along with a fairly large handful of other missionaries who were out, we gathered round to shake his hand.

If you know me, you might know that I'm not a fan of crowds. Too many people is overwhelming to me. But it wasn't until years later that I realized this was part of my personality. I was just down and struggling with my mood and so many things. In the hubbub, I pushed my hand through to shake the prophet's hand, which he obliged, but somewhat reluctantly as, I suppose, it probably seemed to him a disembodied hand--he couldn't tell whose it was. I stayed standing there afterward though, perhaps a bit dumbstruck or not sure what to do with myself. I'm not sure. As the crowd thinned a bit, he looked into my eyes but didn't say anything. I thought he was probably wondering why my hand wasn't extended, too, or perhaps he was wondering if mine was the disembodied hand. I don't know. But it was a very awkward moment. I didn't feel the Spirit at the time let alone for an hour afterward. I just felt very foolish.

I believe that some others in that crowd, though, did have the experience I'd had with Pres. Packer a couple years prior as there was quite the buzz in our classroom for what felt like days afterward with the elders in my district nearly squealing with excitement about shaking the prophet's hand. Their giddiness made me smile, but inwardly the shame continued. And in fact, more than 22 years later, yes, last week in Sunday School, when the question came up about meeting a prophet, this experience resounded in my head. Why didn't I feel the Spirit when I shook not just a prophet but THE prophet's hand? Was it because I was a bad missionary? because I wasn't supposed to be on a mission? Or something else?

Well, I don't know how to define "bad" missionary. I certainly wasn't perfect, but I wasn't going out of my way to break rules or commandments purposely either. And I'd had a handful of experiences and blessings to confirm I was supposed to be on a mission. So that leaves something else. Then what? Here is where my thought-exploring comes in.

1. Obviously not everyone has an overwhelming experience of the Spirit whenever they meet a prophet or even the prophet, president. If that were the case, there would be tons more people joining the Church. This understanding is helpful, I think for a lot of people--so they don't judge others or themselves.

2. The prophet isn't Jesus. He's His mouthpiece, true, but the prophet is still a mortal man. Perhaps Pres. Hinckley wasn't exuding the Spirit as much at that time, like perhaps he'd had a bad day.

3. Perhaps I wasn't as pure of a vessel as I'd been 2 years before. Back then, my purpose was not to shake Pres. Packer's hand so I could go back home and tell everyone about it. Of course, it's not that I wanted to do that with Pres. Hinckley either, but perhaps I was fighting against the idea of joining the crowd. I couldn't be seen not shaking his hand, but I wasn't anxious to go shouting out that I'd shaken the prophet's hand either. And where's the middle ground? I don't know---I might tend to get all kinds of confusing feelings when there are crowds, too many people. So, maybe it was just a personality thing.

4. Perhaps it was an experience to confirm the Spirit I'd felt when I shook Pres. Packer's hand--affirming that those feelings were not something I could generate on my own. That is, if ever I would want to feel the Spirit after doing something, wouldn't it be when shaking THE prophet's hand? But I couldn't make myself feel it, so when I felt it before with Pres. Packer, it wasn't because I was making myself, because I wanted to feel that way.

There are probably other reasons to consider that I haven't come up with, but I think this is a good start if not conclusive. I think I wanted to share this in Sunday School, but, as you can see, it's a bit complex for a simple comment. Nonetheless, I do hope people understand some of the principles, particularly in light of the questions that led to this pondering in Sunday School. Who are the noble and great ones? What does it feel like to meet one?

Some other commenters in class, I believe, helped with this too by pointing out that the noble and great ones are not just the prophets and apostles. Those who hear the voice of the Lord and follow it, who don't harden their hearts, are the noble and great ones. That could be you. I hope it's me. They are women and men and children, Blacks, Whites, Yellows, and everything in between. They are nursery leaders and maintenance workers, as well as leaders and teachers. God needs all of us.

I'm grateful to live in a time when prophets are once again on the earth, when the fulness of the gospel has been restored, and I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is Jesus's true church on the earth. I am so grateful for his leaders, their worthiness and ability to help me understand God's will. I'm also grateful for my callings, my friends, my family members, and all the people God uses to touch my life. In Jesus' name, amen.