Same Sunday School

This morning I slept in and missed the Roanoke 1st ward meetings, which start at 9:00. I guess it's fortunate in a way not to be living near my home ward while I'm in school because it really does mess up my sleeping schedule. I went to the Salem ward at 11:30 without guilty feelings, well not too bad. I did feel bad when the girl I give rides to showed up at 8:45 and I woke up to her knocking. Fortunately she was fine with going at 11:30 too.

Curiously, although the two wards are in the same stake, the Salem ward is a week behind on their Sunday School lesson. So we got the same lesson we had last week. But of course this was fine. It always is, somehow. This teacher didn't cover some of the topics that were covered last week and covered some that weren't. But even in the cases when the same topic was covered, there was a different light that opened in my mind, and such that pertained to my life at the moment. Fascinating how the study of the scriptures can do that, isn't it?

One of those things that pertains to my life at this time actually came up again later this evening when I was talking with my little brother on the phone. I moaned about the possibilities of having to deal with "people's certain freedoms" as pertains to their writing. Maybe I said "freeness" I don't remember. But I was getting at the nuisance that their being too free and easy with their language and situations.

My brother reminded me that people died so we could have those freedoms in this country, and my response was that I just wish they didn't have to subject me to their freedoms. Interestingly this reminded me of the subject of the people in Ammonihah that Alma and Amulek taught who were burned for their beliefs. This was one of the subjects taught both weeks. Why did the Lord allow them to be burned? Because He had to allow the wicked to exercise their free agency.

For some reason, I hadn't put the two together that that might be simply a good enough reason that I have to endure reading through people's profane and blasphemous use of language--and that I feel bad not because I'm being condemned for reading it and need to stop them from doing it, but because sin really does make other people feel bad. That's why it's sin. But God can't take away their agency.

On the other hand, I also know that sometimes people sin--act contrary to the will of God--because they don't know better. And so I don't think it's entirely out of place to let people know they are hurting you. Alma and Amulek did tell the wicked people beforehand that they were being wicked--and some of them even repented--those who were burned, unfortunately. Not everything has a happy earth-life ending. But there does come a certain point when you just have to say like Jacob in another part of the Book of Mormon--well, rearranging the tense effectually--that he's saying or said the things he said to remove the blood from his cloak and once his job is done, it's done--the blood isn't on his cloak any more, and he has to let them do what they'll do.

Though I do feel some kind of torture at times for my religious beliefs--not just putting up with profanity (there's actually more to this story than I'm telling here, so you don't think I'm exaggerating something that doesn't seem like persecution to you, though even if there weren't more--it still is painful to read God's name taken so brutally so often, as well as the other words. I really HATE it--as long as I'm digressing I'll just mention this funny thing I thought of today while I was talking with my new LDS friend that I take to Church. We were both complaining about people's bad language and other use in things we have to read, and she mentioned the offense someone took to her decision not to read their script, and I said, "How funny that the first offender is offended when you told him he was successful--Profanity is meant to offend, and he did it. She laughed. I thought it was funny, too, not to pat my own back. I might have heard from someone else once). Anyway, so as I was listing the persecutions, which isn't entirely unrighteous. In the D&C there's a section where the Lord commands the people to list the offenses. And so, I'll say, it also terribly rankles me when people insinuate that I'm not a Christian because I'm Mormon, and when people make me feel like I'm too goody-goody--they know other Mormons who wouldn't be bothered, or they're Mormons and they're not bothered. I hate that too. And then there's others who think I'm not goody-goody enough. And granted, I'm not perfect in these areas either, so it's helpful to write them out and become mindful of my own bad judgment habits.

In any case, what I was really getting to in this is that it's all really nothing, absolutely NOTHING, compared to the things many others have suffered, such as the martyrs in Alma and Amulek's time, or the early Saints, as I just mentioned who were commanded to write their grievances. I've never been physically beaten or killed for my beliefs. And in fact, I'm very grateful for the Church and the good it does for me. I can't even tell you how nice it felt today to be in Church, among fellow Saints, even if I didn't know them very well. I'm very blessed for the knowledge I do have of my Savior and of the gospel He has re-established on the Earth today through Joseph Smith. What tremendous blessings to have temples on the Earth now, to be able to take the sacrament every week, to have a loving family. Life really is pretty good for me.

Changes in Presidents of the Church

Changes in the position of the president of the Church haven't generally been easy for me. When I was growing up and in primary, the prophet was Pres. Kimball. I loved the song where we sang all the latter-day prophets and though I don't know that I knew much about what he taught, I knew I loved Pres. Kimball. As I've gotten older, I have become more aware of his teachings and I still love him.

President Kimball died when I was 12 or 13, however, so I had to learn to accept a new prophet. Though I'd been made aware of the procedures of the change when a prophet died, and I even knew President Benson would be the next prophet because I learned a few years earlier that he was the senior apostle and all that (and quite proud to know that, too, I'll add) well, it was still kind of hard to adjust to the change. Before long, I learned to love President Benson too. I remember when I was a young woman the balloon thing and his challenge for us to read the Book of Mormon. That influenced and continues to influence me and my testimony in very positive ways--I still read the Book of Mormon every day. And throughout my adolescence I continued to learn more from his teachings and have been blessed for following them. I love President Benson.

When President Benson passed away I was in my 20s, attending BYU, and I was much more aware of the whole process of things at that point. I even knew ALL of the twelve apostles by name, not just the senior apostle, Pres. Hunter. Perhaps because of that, I learned to love Pres. Hunter before he became the prophet, if only from watching him maintain his calm and handle the situation with Cody Judy at the CES fireside at BYU some short time before Pres. Benson died. I felt the Spirit in that meeting testifying he was a prophet and would be a great president. And indeed, that transition wasn't as hard for me. But Pres. Hunter didn't live long after that, less than a year. Still, during that time he taught some great things and I have kept my temple recommend with me and up-to-date partly because of his teachings about the temple. I love President Hunter.

Of course I was familiar with President Hinckley since he had been around in leadership for so long. I also remember talks that he gave at BYU, and he had touched me with his talks about optimism during a time when I really needed that. But for some reason, it still took me a little while to warm up to him as the prophet. But of course it happened, as it always has. There are so many things I love about President Hinckley now.

But now, some 14 years later, now in my 30s, I'm experiencing the change again. Interestingly, I had been anticipating President Monson for quite awhile, probably not as early as when Pres. Kimball was prophet, but at least by my 20s when I learned how young he was. There was no question in my mind that he would be the prophet some day. And so I've spent several conferences listening to him trying to imagine him as the president of the church, perhaps trying to warm myself early this time. Yet for some reason, although they were fine and good and great and all that for the first counselor, none of his talks before really struck me as what I expected from THE prophet.

So, when President Hinckley did pass away, even as much as I loved President Monson before, I'll confess it's felt a little weird to adjust to him in this new role. But I've had a lot of mixed emotions during all of the funeral proceedings and news and whatnot about President Hinckley, feeling also that there was too much attention paid to him as a man and perhaps to the diminishment of other great men and not acknowledging the mantle as much as they should have. I think that's just the nature of the media and natural proceedings when a great man passes away.

Yesterday, during the solemn assembly, I was grateful for the Spirit I felt sustaining me and confirming to me the Lord's will in the changes. But as I watched conference all day yesterday I still noticed how much I missed having President Hinckley around, conducting one or two of the sessions and ending sessions with a few of his remarks, his unique and wonderful sense of humor and his great attitude. His simple presence. I really missed him.

However, I also had a wonderful experience when the first session ended this morning. When President Monson spoke, I could feel the positive feelings and acceptance of him as the President, and see or feel the mantle of prophet on him. It was a good feeling, something I hadn't imagined and can't describe, but there was a definite difference between his talk and those he's been giving for the many, many years before now. It was nice, too, then, in the afternoon session when Elder Holland began his remarks to make note of that feeling in himself and his indication that many others had felt it too. What a blessing the Lord has given us all to adjust to change, to be able to see and feel that difference! He knows change is hard, not just on me but on a lot of people! Even another apostle. And we need those manifestations. And of course, it's also a testimony that there really is something different, very special and true about having a prophet, a spokesman for the Lord on the Earth today. I love President Monson. But most importantly, I love the Lord Jesus Christ, the head of the Church.