Conversation

When I came back from a family vacation the summer after my freshman year, (I was still living in the same complex, Monticello in Provo) my roommate from the school year who had moved to a different apartment for the summer, told me she'd met someone she wanted to set me up with. She didn't say what it was about him that made her think of me, but I was intrigued and interested to get to know him when I did eventually meet him. She hadn't gotten around to setting us up, and I'm not sure I was too keen on being set up with someone who lived in my ward since it seemed I would more likely naturally meet him.

Anyway, so I did eventually meet him, playing games over at someone else's apartment--#1 in White Brick, I think. At first, he seemed pretty nice, and kind of cute. I thought I might not mind going out with him. Then, as we were talking, in a split-off conversation from the bigger group, but still with three or four people, he asked me what my game was. (I thought was kind of an odd question, I'll confess.) I told him conversation was my game. I think he thought that was pretty weird, and I can understand that. It does seem rather a weird thing to say, even to a weird question.

But it actually was true. I had a fascination with conversation. I payed attention to how people conversed and judged how well I liked a guy based on how he could talk to me, looking for certain things. I'm not sure what incited my interest--perhaps that too many people were telling me I was too quiet, and so I was trying to shift the blame, or find out why I was quiet, or figure out if they were really any better than me for not being quiet.

Well, to cut that story short, I'll just say this--our conversation was not successful. Within a few shifts of topic, it came out that he'd like to have 20 kids. I told him good luck finding a wife.

I don't know if he ever achieved it. I saw him a few years later at a concert, with a girl. She might have been his wife, or maybe just a girlfriend. In any case, he appeared to be making some progress toward his goal at that time. I was on a date that night, too, I think, but he was not my boyfriend. I think I didn't even like my date very much, but I don't remember who it was. In any case, I haven't yet found my perfect conversationalist. But this weekend/week (for reasons I'll refrain from discussing), I've been wondering how much progress I've actually made with the subject in general. Am I a better conversationalist than I was then? Have I improved in my ability to detect a good conversationalist or refined my demands?

See, both things are kind of hard to have as do or die goals--I mean, I don't know how long it took him to get married, or how old his wife was, nor how fertile or able to adopt they were, or if he's actually married! I have heard of families of 22 or more, but it is pretty rare and really hard to come by. That was obvious to me then. But I guess I wasn't quite as convinced at the young age of 19 of the difficulty of my own goal--finding a good conversationalist...

...Particularly as my ideas about what makes a good conversationalist were still in a lot of flux at that point. I don't think I expected perfection at that game. I was savvy enough to know that like any nebulous attribute, conversation is very near impossible to perfect in this lifetime. But it seems like there are enough people who have good friends, get married and seem to find that right balance of conversation between them that it wouldn't be absolutely impossible. But I'm also thinking that a lot of people find good matches for them because they don't care quite as much about conversational abilities. I mean, I've met a good number of people who have either been married, are married, or have had long term relationships and yet they have serious lackings in what seem to me as normal conversational abilities.

That probably sounds kind of critical, and it probably is, but I guess what I really want to know is two things--why is it hard to find someone with good conversational abilities and what's the best way to handle it when you're stuck talking to or listening to someone who has a lot of difficulty with basic conversation, such as someone who talks your ear off or who's never interested in anything you have to say, or who cuts down everything you have to say. What do you do? I want to be a charitable person, but I'm really struggling here.

Leven Thumps, book review

Leven Thumps and the Gateway to Foo by Obert Skye

My review

rating: 2 of 5 stars
I couldn't finish it. It was really quite painful to get as far as I did. Is there a criticism for weight judgments? I mean, like feminist criticism and cultural criticisms--fields of study. In any case, almost all of the villains or even slightly bad guys were noted as being fat or large or worse, and all of the good guys were thin or had no mention of their weight proportions. One of the good guys was even a toothpick. Seriously, a literal toothpick. Perhaps it was all subconscious and not intended to offend people with weight struggles, but it was really too much. I also don't really appreciate repetitive physical punishments even to bad guys, particularly the kind where the audience is supposed to find the punishments funny. It just doesn't strike me as very charitable. Yes, some people need to have justice dealt to them, but it isn't funny.


View all my reviews.

Blink, book review

Blink by Malcolm Gladwell

My review

rating: 4 of 5 stars
This was a little different from my typical read--an adult book, slightly different, though I still read a fair amount of those, but also a nonfiction, essay-type and not religious. My friend Valerie suggested it, and I actually was really pulled in by it. Those who know me know I don't really care for profanity at all, and there were places with a tasteless dose, so I stopped reading it for awhile, but eventually picked it up again, and overall, I think it was worth the read. Each chapter is pretty well organized, drawing back on a story he introduces at the beginning of the respective chapter to make some point. And also, drawing upon stories and points from previous chapters to build up to a conclusion. However, the concluding chapter itself was rather sparse and not as well connected as I'd expected, leaving me a little less certain about his ultimate intent. Still, it was pretty interesting. It reiterated some of my beliefs and promoted positive ideas that I haven't given as full credence to as I ought, about surrounding yourself with uplifting and positive ideas about all people because the daily, minute influences do contribute to general impressions that impact for the better or worse snap judgments that we can't avoid making on a regular if not daily basis.


View all my reviews.

First Five

I responded to my old roommate Erin's blog, so I am now in the game. Here are the rules:

The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me!

My choice of something for you. There are some limits and restrictions, which Erin tweaked for her needs and style, but her rules look good to me, so here they are

1. It will be sometime this year. Don't rush me:)

2. I don't know yet what it will be - it might not even be tangible. Maybe food or a massage or a bookmark or babysitting or a song or a movie... OOH, possibly a visit, depending on who or where you are.

3. Most importantly, you must offer the same deal on your blog - the first 5 people to comment on your blog (or if you do not have a blog, facebook) get something made by YOU! The first 5 people to do so and leave a comment telling me they did win something deLIGHTful by me.

The Real Valentine's Day

Just so you don't think I'm completely anti-Valentine's--the day itself wasn't too bad. We had a couple friends over and did some fondue-dipping, then watched some clips from a few romantic movies--Snow White's "Some Day My Prince Will Come" and the Sound of Music's "Sixteen." Plus a couple non-musical recent bits. Then after the friends left, we watched "Hitch" which actually did end in a wedding.

It was nice to have friends over. But I have to confess that it was interesting to watch the Sound of Music bit as well as Hitch in my critical frame of mind. (Not that I'm ever not in my critical frame of mind, but um, I guess now that it's out there.) Anyway, it was eye opening to see that in the Sixteen scene, the character was really being coy and didn't possibly believe the things she was sixteen. I think that's a very important part of the song, because otherwise the words are very subjugating of women--we all need someone at least a year older because he's wiser and can tell us what to do. It's also interesting to consider that song in context of the entire movie (which is one of my favorites!) because in the end, she was telling him what to do--leave the German army--and that is really what he should have done.

As for Hitch, well, that movie could have stood a few cuts--like the opening bit where you know Hitch has successfully hooked two people up because they wind up in bed, and then the little F bomb, and finally the date on Sunday morning, rather than Saturday morning. But otherwise, I was glad neither of the man couples had any insinuations, their conversations were about normal things--like siblings and family, and it ended in a wedding, allbeit for the secondary couple rather than the primary. But it's positive nonetheless.

It's ironic, I suppose, that I'm pro wedding ending since my novel doesn't end in a wedding. Just a first kiss, but I do have my reasons for that. But I'll just let you read it and surmise your own opinions about it. Who knows, I might even be wrong.

Happy Valentine's?

You're noticing, perhaps, if you're not in a reader that is, that I'm skipping the pink/red background and moving right into spring. It's not technically spring yet, but we have had some really nice weather. I hope it continues, but it's always hard to say. I do like snow, though. I have to confess that. But we had some snow last week and now I'm ready for spring because I don't particularly like the cold.

But anyway, as the title suggests, maybe I'll write something about Valentine's anyway. It's tomorrow, after all, and it's been on my mind for about a week or so. Several stores tried to put it in my mind long before that, but I haven't done a lot of shopping the past few months, fortunately, so those attempts were not very successful. The television, however, had better aim.

I even caved in and actually watched one of the Valentine's movies some station was using in their Valentine's week long line-up--You've Got Mail. I don't know why. I guess I figured it's Valentine's week after all, and since I don't have someone to share it with, I can celebrate it in some way, but watching a related movie? Really warped thinking, I know. But my mind does work that way sometimes--Halloween is another holiday like that. I'm too big for trick-or-treating, so I'll just watch a holiday-related movie. Yeah. hm.

The weirder thing about it is that I don't even like You've Got Mail. And watching it again after so many years confirmed to me in a few more ways why I don't like it--and shouldn't like it. Like too many romantic comedies, it's just another example of envelope pushing. I'm reminded of the chocolate cake and red story in Ardeth G. Kapp's I Walk By Faith book that my leaders read to me when I was a youth. I have the book now, thanks to my Aunt Leah who got it for me for Christmas a couple years ago. Really, I like that book a lot, and that chocolate story is one that I think everyone needs to hear. Just to summarize, it's a short story within a story--about a happy, delightful people who couldn't wear red or eat chocolate cake or they would become weak. But they had an enemy who didn't like their happiness and so he gradually tried to weaken them to chocolate cake and red through subtle means, like glamorous advertising of people wearing darker and darker shades of pink and eating more cake and more chocolate until they were inevitably combined.

Why do we buy into that stuff? Oh, they only lived with people they didn't really love, and they never showed them having sex. And what was all that business of talking about cyber-sex near the beginning? "We won't have anyone doing real sex in the movie"="No one will eat any chocolate cake in the movie, but there's no reason why they shouldn't talk about eating it, or eating white cake with chocolate frosting."

Why were they living with people they didn't love? What's wrong with getting married first? It seemed more to the point of showing that living together is a natural step and that after a few years you might decide you don't love someone after all, so it's a good thing they weren't married. Seriously. Do romantic comedies end in weddings any more? How many movies are being made these days with happily married couples?

I'm essentially chastising myself here. I know what to avoid and yet I watch those things occasionally too. And I haven't written to any media moguls to change things, but I need to rant anyway. It really is harder and harder to find a good romantic comedy with any kind of values, so while I would like the genre--I'm even writing in the genre--it's actually one of my least favorites because there's always so much trash in them.

So much for Happy Valentine's Day.

On a brighter note, I did get some candy from a coworker today. Although the pay is a pittance, yes, I do have a little job now--temp job, but it's nice to have coworkers again, especially if they help you celebrate the holiday in a way other than watching a lame movie. Yeah for candy! (Don't worry, it wasn't chocolate cake.)

Back in the Saddle?

I've been feeling a little bit guilty about not writing, but also not reading. I went through a lot of old friends' Facebook profiles to get emails around Christmas time to send my end of year report. I'm not sure how many cared to hear it, but I always love getting people's letters, so I hope they liked it and hope they'll send me news from them!

Anyway, my point of saying that was that in getting those email addresses, I also gathered tons of blog addresses with good intentions of following them. But alas, life has been somewhat hectic with different things--babysitting jobs and a crazy temporary job I had over inauguration weekend that extended into this week.

I started to write a blog about that, but didn't finish it. Not sure if I will. It was really crazy--lots of things went wrong with this conference the company I was assigned to had organized so I was listening to calls from many upset parents and then following that, reading even more emails with outlined complaints. Some were better organized than others, and some kinder than others, but overall, lots of upset people. Doesn't make for a happy temporary employee.

I actually broke down crying, not bawling, just crying, one of the phone nights after a call with an arrogant father. Partly I was tired because I was essentially working two jobs during that time and not getting my beauty sleep, but also really tired of trying to diffuse people when I didn't have enough information myself to offer explanations and being impatient with the same hostile attitudes and arguments, over and over. And many times, I agreed with them for being upset. But having the company's rep on the other end of the phone agree that you should be upset and explaining why they need to send an email rather than venting to me (because there were too many calls for us to handle of other upset parents, and we needed to keep the lines open for kids in potential danger), didn't really help them calm down any. Okay, so there' a little of the blog I would have posted, though I was more detailed in it.

Moving on--so I wasn't keeping up with reading the blogs I had hoped to and finally weedled them down yesterday so I could manage the load. But don't worry, if I weedled off your blog, I never left a comment, so you probably didn't even know I was reading it anyway. :) I hope :?) I still have some catch up to do with the people I'm closer to and have been following for awhile, so my apologies if I was supposed to know something you'd written about.

Phew. Now that that's off my chest, maybe I can actually write something you want to read about. How many of you skimmed over that? It's okay, I would have if it had been your blog, so don't feel bad. But now I'll give you an easier skim--a little meme borrowed from Anne Marie :)

My ABC's

A = Age: 35
B = Bed size: full
C = Chore(s) you hate: making my bed
D = Dessert you love: cookies
E = Essential start your day item: banana--but sometimes I don't have any :(
F = Favorite actor(s): Colin Frith
G = Gold or Silver: silver
H = Height: 5'8ish"
I = Instruments you play: piano, flute
J = Job title: temp?
K = Kitchen color(s): mixed
L = Living arrangements: roommate who owns the townhouse
M = My name is: Heidi
N = Nicknames: Heidi-ho, Heidikins, Heidi hiccup
O = Overnight hospital stay(s): car accident, 1993; being born
P = Pets: none
Q = Favorite quote:
R = Right or left handed: right
S = Siblings: Sisters: Kim, Cyndi, Susie and Nancy. Brothers: David, John, Thom
Sisters-in-law: Sariah, Sarah, Laci; Brothers-in-law: Robert, Dan, Mike and Danny
T = Time you woke up today: 4:00 am, then again at 10:00 ish--harder to get up though
U= Unique about you: too much to write! Umm, I had black ponytails and a blond scalp when I was little.
V = Vegetable you love: salad, eggplant sometimes
W = Worst habit: scratching my head
X = X-Rays you've had: foot, teeth, arm, back, knee, ?
Y = Yummy food you make: breadsticks, crepes
Z = Zodiac Sign: cancer